Black tie

January 2012
It is 7h25 in the morning, I just arrived in Kobe after a bus night ride from Tokyo, and the station seems to be as sleepy as me. I quickly go to the rest rooms to change, black pants and jacket, white shirt and of course the black tie that I bought a few minutes ago in a conbini (convenient store). The suit, lent by a friend the day before is slightly too big but it should be ok. If I am dressed this way, it is because I am going to a funeral. Two days earlier, a good friend of mine suddenly passed away. I had stayed at his place a few times during my previous trips to Japan.



A great Buddhist ceremony for this much appreciated man is about to happen. I arrived at the beginning of the second day. A few boys belonging to the family had stood by the body all night in order to “keep the fire going” which means that they had to make sure there were burning incense sticks at all time. I lit one too, said a few silent words to him, so sorry to be too late for the shikoku island pilgrimage we had planned to do a few years ago. The ceremony started. I never saw so many flowers in the same room. Women were dressed in black from head to feet; men were dressed the same way as I was. Three monks entered the room and started to chant. Soon it was time for all the guests to present their last farewell, and to present their respects to the family.

In Japan it is against the law to bury people. Everyone must be incinerated. Of course, in exceptional cases, like in March 2011 with the terrible consequence of the tsunami, some bodies are buried.

Every guest put a flower in the wood coffin, and then it was closed for good. After the ceremony, we went to the cremation center. About 30 people did the trip, mostly close family members. The coffin was then burned and we waited for two hours, and then gathered for the next step.

I had no idea what would come next as we stood in a small room next to what seems to be an oven. While we waited, a lady gave a pair of long wooden chopsticks to everyone. One of the staff then pulled out a low table where the coffin was. We could see some nails, ashes and bones, which left no doubt of what we had in front of us. We could clearly see the back bones, femurs, some piece of the skulls and smaller bones spread here and there. A box was laid in the center of the table and one after another, with the chopstick we took a little piece of bone, and put it in the special box. Some bones were taken by two persons like it was the case for me and my Japanese brother. We handled a piece of the chin according to the staff, but I was too charged with emotion to think about this. It was one of the most intense moments of my life in the past years.

I was still in shock with what I just witnessed, while we headed back to the funeral center where another ceremony began: this time with the box of bones which was at the center of the table. The day was almost over and my trip back to Tokyo was calling me, I paid my last respects to the family and wished a quiet last trip to my dead friend.


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